ENGLISH
Once upon a time there was a "piece" of Church, 3 October 2023 sure??...or not.... BB's YES birthday....
(BEFORE YOU READ THIS ONE, YOU MUST READ BB'S BIRTHDAY 2 SEPTEMBER 2023! THIS IS THE CONTINUATION OF THE OTHER SATIRE THIS: https://finalfantasyeternity28821112.blogspot.com/2024/01/once-upon-time-bobbys-no-birthday-2.html)
NOTE: THIS IS A SATIRE OF BLACK HUMOR, I DO NOT WRITE TO INSULT MATT OR ANYONE, GREETINGS, JUST TO BE CLEAR
(Decoration: huge dusty with dust/SHAG😏 sofas, more than 10 years old and the "house" in disarray and "NO" sport machines)
ACT 111111111
In the scene Bobby appears on the sofa, he is still punished without his sweets for the one he made in the restaurant-cabin in September for not saying it wasn't his birthday and making a fool of Matty...in the end they are all drunk! Matty is reviewing the script of his play...or pretending to review, with his glasses and a mega-coffee with little milk and a chocolate fudge.
BOBBY: What are you looking at? Let me just lie here, I'm so comfortable... can I have some of that chocolate candy?
MATTY: me? i'm going to take a picture of you! make a birthday face, it's today! to send it to mama Lynne.
and NO! no choco-candy! this candy is mine.... only mine! (I will die with a chocolate candy in my mouth, I swear! haha )
BOBBY: stop joking! if you don't even know the date of my birthday I don't want pictures! I'm mad at you!!!
you deserve what i did to you the other day, what daddy doesn't remember his beloved son's birthday?
MATTY: Oh, are you angry? and how you laughed at us, well at me! for not knowing your date? what?
you didn't say anything, you laughed mercilessly and the whole restaurant, and you didn't even say anything anymore.... but I need that picture...I have an image to take care of and my fans need me and you give me a lot of views, that's why I swallow my words...(I'm burning inside)
please forgive me... (he makes a cuddly face and puts his hands on his face and makes tender gestures)
BOBBY: don't look at me like that, I feel sorry for you! (He looks at him tenderly Matty) fuck, with that face I can't be angry with you, besides, you buy me the SI-SI animal biscuits that I like, (although for almost a month you haven't felt like giving them to me! (it's the same I run away and I buy them myself, but he doesn't know that hahaha, I take his mastercard platium with unlimited funds) I'm not angry anymore! but don't take me to that heidi's hut anymore, what a bad feeling....
MATTY: bad vibe? you were all comfortable and you got drunk like never before, oh my god! and you ate the best canapes, come on, strike a good pose! (Take out the iphone 28 mega ultra pro max max and max 66 TB, but with the same black case from 33 years ago).
BOBBY: hey! take me better than in the other photo! we're more blurred than a Monet painting, that painter who painted with his fingers!
MATTY: it was the waiter's fault, i wasn't!!! The photo moved over.... never better said...(laughs and makes a cheeky face)....
BOBBY: let's see... let's see what I look like, I'm going to make sad eyes...we're both depressed and pissed off, I'm already looking like you...what the fuck! no, I'm missing the rings, well the ring, the other one I'd better not talk about! (laughs loudly)
MATTY: it's not my fault! they keep fucking me over and fucking me over, why don't I take a picture of you? (Bobby looks at him with a look on his face like he doesn't care) hey, watch the theatre script you're sitting on! get up! don't open the shitty drawer with the ring!
BOBBY: Oops... I didn't realise (it's a lie)...ok, let's close the drawer of shit...
MATTY: pose now!! mom's waiting for her, she's telling me that the fans are anxious to know where I am and where I'm not...!!!!
BOBBY: How scary are some of your new fans...
MATTY: and me, but there's nothing we can do about it, although I'm thinking of buying a Electric stun gun and putting it in my backpack just in case.
BOBBY: more stuff in your backpack? you're going to have to go by truck to carry it! are you practicing for your "no" role in the fantastic 56? (laughs, oh no I'm a doggie, bark-laughs)
MATTY: no! i'd be the fantastic 68 that stretches! supposedly.... but i'd have to clone myself for the part, one rehearsing and acting in the theatre and the other filming, anyway, it doesn't pay off and there's no desire for that...i've got other things on my mind....bunnies, the ones you like.... (laughs loudly)
BOBBY: bunnies? ummm and you don't like them? more than me, and not the ones in the countryside exactly... (mischievous face, Matty thinking about women's private parts haha) fuck Matty, take the fucking picture, my legs are asleep and stop talking!!!
MATTY: I'm nervous!!! fuck!!! (takes the picture) you're more famous than me, I was right to catch you....(laughs) supposedly you can flirt a lot with a dog....ay no! what a depression! (Matty cries), that condom from 1999 I haven't worn it out yet....
BOBBY: that hurts! you use me for your flirting! oh what a tragedy! don't open the fucking drawer, come on! we closed it!!!
MATTY: WHAT A GRATUITOUS ATTACK! YOU HAVE DAMAGED ME! NO MORE SI-SI ANIMALS COOKIES!!! not even your most expensive premium feed (anymore) and when we go out you'll drink from a fountain!
BOBBY: Oh no! I love to eat the cat and rabbit shaped ones, don't fuck with me! I eat your 38 kg of kit kat hidden in your pantry.... I drink your 100 litres of Heineken and your 300 cans of Coke Light!!! and I kill your favourite blender with an unwanted fall.... sell those sports machines that are just sitting there gathering dust, don't make posture!
MATTY: Oh NO! Don't threaten me with revenge! I'm the Scorpio, not you!
(Looks at BB with a face like he's not cuddly anymore...the veins in his neck are swelling) I do not make posture!! look at my body....I'm hot (poses sensually and touches his chest)
BOBBY: stop posing come on! don't get pissed off... your neck gets tight and then i have to give you the cream THAT SUPER INFLAMMATORY with my hooves....and it leaves me with a stench i can't stand! today the Filipino is free.... it notices... (the house is in chaos)
MATTY: let's see this, I'm going to open the whatsUP, ah no this is not (opens youporn) oh here it's not (laughs loudly) this is, I'm going to send an audio: MOM!!! here I send you BB's picture, I love you mom!!!
5555 minutes elapsed
MATTY: Fuck, where's my mother, she doesn't even pay attention to me... she's the one who asked me for the photo... (he cries again).
(There is a noise of receiving an audio)
LYNNE ON LINE: What is this MATTY?
MATTY ON LINE: Fuck! the picture of BB, what's going on?
LYNNE ON LINE: nothing and everything!.... clean the lenses of your futuristic iphone..... the background is bad and it's about time to change those sofas.... they have more dust.../SHAG😏 (laughs with a cheeky emoticon) and today we're not going out...we already celebrated the other day, I'll leave you, I have a very busy schedule these days! byeee (she disconnects) the photo was to raise the followers and make posture
MATTY OFF LINE: fuck my mum....shit social media...what's wrong with my sofas, they're perfect!!! they're so nice!!! ay!! (picks up a cushion and puts it on his face to rub it) look how soft they are..... (pum pum!!!, he gives it with his hand to remove the dust) this is given a few shakes and that's it, (shakes.... if these sofas could talk...uy...better not, the dailymail people are terrified of me and they invent everything hahaha!!! BB laughs loudly, he knows everything and has seen everything)
shall we go for a walk BB?...ayyy I want hugs and kisses and .... but... what am I saying!!! I'm going crazy ....
Bobby: yes!!! a walk!! don't forget your 28 kg backpack, put my hat on because I'm cold, (fucking house is so humid and cold even if you put 20 chimneys.... what was he thinking when he bought a piece of church...by god!!! there are thousands of warm posh flats and he had to choose this...) tell your dragon to make a good dracarys for when we come back, we can't stay here!
Matty: again complaining about this house! i'm fed up, everyone laughs at me for living here (who wouldn't laugh...but this thought for me....)
there are blankets and heating and you have a lot of hair, don't complain so much! you stay here and I'll go to bars in Soho, you've all had enough of me!
Bobby: from bars to Soho? are you ovulating? (irony) (laughs loudly with a mischievous face, he knows Matty is horny today, well he is horny every day...), don't leave me alone please !!!! (wags his tail quickly) but let's go to THE DOME that you love and we have it here walking distance and there's a live concert!
Matty: umm....if you want I'll use you again for my flirting tonight...we can celebrate without mom Lynne knowing....(laughs covering his mouth with one hand) hahaha NO! not to THE DOME, not this time.... to Soho, fuck!
Bobby: do you want to celebrate my birthday at my expense?
Matty: yeah, that's what you're here for, hahaha, and whatever else I want...
Bobby: what a shame to be a helpless puppy....(He covers his face with his hooves.)
Matty: let's go to the dressing room!
Bobby: come on...
In the locker room....(so to speak or To put it mildly)
Matty; first of all, clean socks! these with little pink and red hearts! let's see more things, then pants, haha these let's see...these! look how cool! (with animal print), trousers, let's see, these grey stripes, this dark blue shirt that I haven't worn in a long time.. these black shoes that look great! today without my undershirt...I have to provoke a little haha...(he runs his hands across his chest sensually), these black shoes that look great, a scarf...let's see this grey one, a beanie, this black one, the same accessories as almost always haha!
Bobby: the skull pendant is blacker now.... you should clean it with a liquid for silver...
Matty: clean something? vah ok, I'll send it to the Filipino, I'm going to take a shower...haha
Matty goes into the bathroom and there are strange noises...(boats falling) Bobby goes to the bathroom as usual...Matty is in front of the mirrors looking at himself naked, he has dropped two boats without realizing it.
Matty: um...do i shave? what do you say BB!!!? my underarms, this is already too long...yuck, my chest is almost bare, I'm giving myself a once over, and .... my private parts umm a little here, a little there, I'm going to take a selfie, take out the iphone, (poses sensually touching his big hair) yes mega picture Hot! (how hot am i....o no...or yes....o no...or yes....fuck YES!) ay! i'm always throwing it all away...i'm going to put some music on, let's see this one! (He dances for a few seconds and picks up the boats and gets in the shower)....
Matty can be heard going over the script of the play or singing...Bobby lies down on the floor quietly....
36664984 minutes later
Matty: ayyyy how relaxing!!! tonight is promising.... (I hope) (shakes his hair off with a head bang) ouch! fuck my neck!!! (dries himself with the towel in front of the mirror) ummm how soft...I'm going to apply this cream...this deodorant, I'm going to get dressed! um.... how good it smells.... to eat me whole! (Bobby looks at him with a disgusted look on his face)
(gets dressed mischievously looking at himself in the mirror, follows the music and hums a little)
Matty: my hair! let's see the comb, ummm I comb it a bit, I spray this serum for humidity, only for "hot guys" like me...oh no!! more grey hair!!! ouch!!!.... I dry it a bit and I'm ready....
(hums happily) lalalalalalalalalalalaalalalala!!! (he combs his hair a bit and takes out the hairdryer and keeps humming and dancing)
Matty: I'm almost ready, let's see this woody-smelling perfume, ummm, haha, I put on my shoes, I'm going to take these dark glasses in case I have to hide from the heavy photographers, let's get the backpack....
He and BB go to the living room...
Bobby: Get stuff out of that backpack! What the fuck are you looking for?
Matty: Look what I got! (takes out the condom from 1999 to throw it away and takes out a new mega expensive and exclusive box) I have a friend who is a representative of erotic things and he got them for me, they are really good! of .... flavours!
Bobby: You didn't spend that one in 1999, you're going to spend those, by the time it happens we're already in 2055, hahah, and do you always have to do weird things in the shower?
Matty: you're so cruel to me! in the end you stay here! well I'm going to put on my coat, it's so cold today! this hat suits me so well! let's go!!!! in the shower I go over my fucking scripts and sing! I love it, if you don't like it don't follow me everywhere! shall I put this hat on you?
Bobby: yes that one! and i'll follow you always, matters doggy! let me see your coat that doesn't have stains and lint (he takes out from who knows where an anti-everything roller almost magic) look! uy here you have lint oh and this stain.... (he gives the coat an overhaul haha!! overhaul, he looks it up and down ummm) and you're ready! (how handsome! but what am i saying?????)
Matty: what are you going to tell me, matters doggy! but I love it! oh my BB! he bends down and gives it a big long tender hug and a little kiss, oh thank you it's very clean, I'm going to call the Uber!
Bobby: I don't know why you have the AUDI "Bestie"!... for decoration, well, if you take it when you want to be alone and clear your head, you sneak around and almost always leave me here! I like it when you open the window and I can stick my head out with my glasses all fashionable and feel the air on my snout! ayyy what freedom and happiness while you sing with your music on! HEY, THROW OUT THE CIGARS, MINE!
Matty: I'm sorry but when I do that I have no choice! I love driving and being alone once in a while, come on the Uber is out! WHAT YES!!, THEY ARE IN THE BACKPACK....(I think...hahah , do I annoy you a little?)
Matty turns off the lights, closes the door, takes the "LITTLE"-backpack and goes.....(fuck... I almost caught my fingers! )
(will he spend some condom hahah? that's secret) in another parallel world...
THE END
Written by: KIRA LUNA SELENE SUSAN SALAS (DO NOT COPY TO OTHER WEBSITES WITHOUT PERMISSION)
