(I HAVE WRITTEN THE STORY IN ENGLISH AND SPANISH, ,THE ONE IN ENGLISH CAN BE TRANSLATED INTO OTHER LANGUAGES, THE ONE IN SPANISH CANNOT) NOTE: THIS IS A SATIRE OF BLACK HUMOR, I DO NOT WRITE TO INSULT MATT OR ANYONE, GREETINGS, JUST TO BE CLEAR
ENGLISH:
ONCE UPON A TIME UPON A DAY OF FILMING AND SOME EPILEPTICAL SOCKS.
DECORATED: A SHADY AND DAMP CONTAINER-ROOM, DISORDERED CLOTHES AND SUITCASE AND A TIRED PET (OR TWO TIRED PETS), WATER BOTTLES, ABOUT 200 (THEY ARE NEVER ENOUGH, THEY WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH) ACCORDING TO SEVERAL NEWSPAPERS THERE ARE ALREADY SOME RIVERS IN DROUGHT.
ACT: 364745695
MATTY: OH! WHAT A TIRED AND WHAT A HEADACHE! FUCKING WHITE WIG!! IF I HAVE A GREAT HAIR, A DYE AND READY, THEY WANT TO MAKE ME SUFFER!! WHAT TORTURE... HOW BAD THOSE FROM HBO ARE TO ME, OH NO, NOW IT'S MAX (LAUGHS MISCENTLY AND RELAXANTLY).
BOBBY: DAMN! HOW DO YOU COMPLAIN...YOU HAVE ME ALREADY SICK OF YOUR COMPLAINTS! MR. COMPLAINTS I'M GOING TO CALL YOU!.
MATTY: THESE ARE NOT COMPLAINTS!! HEY! THEY KNOW THAT I AM IN DELICATE HEALTH! LET THEM RESPECT ME A LITTLE! MY NECK! OH MY NECK!! DO YOU PUT THE MEGA ULTRA INFLAMMATORY OINTMENT ON ME? (HE LOOKS AT HIM WITH HIS FACE OF TEDDY FACE PUPPY IN STRESS).
BOBBY: DON'T FUCK WITH ME MATTY!!, IT DOESN'T HURT YOUR NECK TO GO OUT AND GET DRUNK!
I WOULD ANOINT IT TO YOU BUT LOOK AT MY HOOVES, THEY ARE DIRTY FROM WALKING THROUGH THE FIELD, THIS IS DISGUSTING, CLEAN THEM FOR ME AND I'LL ANOINT TO YOU, AND DON'T MAKE THAT FACE AT ME, I KNOW YOU!!!.
MATTY: AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF BED? GO TO THE BATHROOM THAT WEIRD BATHROOM (GOOD... BATHROOM (IRONY) AND GET THE WIPES AND I'LL GIVE YOU A QUICK CLEAN AND THAT'S IT, DON'T BE A COMPLAINER NOW....
BOBBY: OK, DON'T GET UP, BECAUSE I'LL GIVE YOU A MUD BATH (BECAUSE OF THE SHIT-MUD ON MY HOOVES) WITH THAT MEGA CREAM (LAUGH, AH NO WELL YES, YES LAUGH, I'M NOT A PUPPY, DAMN I AM A PUPPY)
MATTY: OH AN ANTI-NECK MUD BATH! FUCKING GREAT! (HE MAKES A HAPPY TEDDY FACE, HE NEEDS TO MOVE HIS PENIS...OR HE IS ALREADY WAGGING IT)
BOBBY: COME ON, TURN AROUND AND TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT AND LIE DOWN (UMMM NO SHIRT, BUT WHAT AM I THINKING? I'M A PUPPY, AH NO, I'M NOT A PUPPY, WHAT THE FUCK AM I, WELL I DON'T KNOW, I'M GOING TO SPREAD THIS SHIT OFF OINTMENT HERE, AHGG WHAT A PONG!)
MATTY: UMMM SO YUMMY! I LOVE YOUR HOOVES! KEEP GOING...
MATTY: WOW! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THOSE WHORES, BESIDES ANYONE CAN'T COME HERE THIS IS TOP SECRET, YOU ARE HERE BY A MIRACLE, YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND, YOU DON'T LEAVE MY WALLET FLAT BROKE (LAUGHS HARDLY) OR ON THINK ABOUT IT YOU EAT LIKE A KING , UMM ...WOW, YOU YOU COST ME CHEAPER, OH CONTINUE, HOW PLEASED I AM!
343784 HOURS PASS
BOBBY: THAT'S IT, I'M FINISHED,THIS CREAM HAS LEFT A STELL ON MY HOOVES, I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM TO GET THE WIPES, I CAN'T REACH THE SINK, A SHAME, EH?? MATTY HAVE YOU FELL ASLEEP?? DAMN HE'S ASLEEP...OH HE LOOKS LIKE A BABY! FUCK AND NOW WHO CLEANS MY HOOFS, WHAT STINKS!!! PUFF, NOW IS MY CHANCE TO CHANGE THAT BITCH SERIES AND PLAY DOCTOR WHO, I AM MISSING EPISODES WITHOUT WATCHING! AND SOON IT WILL BE THE 30,000TH ANNIVERSARY! LET'S SEE HOW THIS GOES, HOOF HERE, HOOF HERE, OH SHIT NO! THIS IS GAY PORN!?? AND HE HAS IT ON FAVORITES....THIS MATTY IS A HORNY DEVIL! I'M GOING TO GET INTO YOUR BANK TO SEE THE PURCHASES AND THE MONEY (LAUGHS), I KNOW YOUR PASSWORDS FROM EVERYWHERE, I'M PLAYING CRAZY BUT I LOOK WITHOUT WANTING TO, I NEVER DO ANYTHING BAD (ROUGHT FACE)
MATTY: AHHH!!!(HE WAKES UP WITH A MORE TIRED LOOK EVEN BUT WITH A NEW NECK AND MESSY HAIR) EYYY BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING? BRING THE IPAD! UMM WHAT WERE YOU DOING? PUNISHED!
BOBBY: NOOO PLEASE! (FACE OF A VERY DEPRESSED PUPPY PUPPY FACE) BUT LOOK!!! TAKE THE WIPES CLEAN ME I SMELL BAD!! TAKE! TAKE THE WIPES, CLEAN ME, I SMELL BAD!! TAKE! IT'S MY TIME TO EAT CANDY! YOU CAN'T TELL ME NO!
MATTY: BRING... LET'S SEE... (HE TAKES HIS PAWS AND STARTS TO CLEAN WITH LOVE), CANDY SNACKS? YOU ARE PUNISHED...
DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!! DAMN..... I CAN'T TELL YOU NO.....YOU HAVE LEFT ME MY NEW NECK!!! I HAVE THEM THERE IN THE SUITCASE, NOW IT'S TIME TO LOOK FOR THEM (THIS HANDS ON HE HEAD WITH A LOOK THAT I DIDN'T WENT) WHAT A LAZY ONE!!!.....
(HE GOES TO THE SUITCASE THROWS MESSY SHIT) LET'S SEE, THEY WERE THE "MORE YES-YES ANIMALS AT THE FULLEST" RIGHT??
MATTY: ......(KEEP LOOKING WITHOUT FINDING THEM)
300 HOURS LATER......
MATTY: HERE THEY ARE!! (OPENS THEM) TAKE BB!!! (THROWS THEM INTO THE AIR)
BOBBY: YUM YUM!!
MATTY: I'M GOING TO DINNER WITH THE TEAM WHILE EARLY TOMORROW!! UFFF I'M TIRED!! I'M GOING TO GET DRESSED, SHALL I SHOWER?? MY SOCKS SMELL MYSELF (IT SMELLS ITSELF) AH NOT GOOD.....(LAUGHS) , HOW COOL MY COLORFUL SOCKS ARE!
BOBBY: YES THEY'RE VERY COOL! (IRONY) WEREN'T THERE ONE WITH MORE COLORS?? THANKFULLY I'M NOT EPILEPTICAL.....
MATTY: LET'S SEE WHAT I WEAR, THIS UMM, LET'S SEE, LET'S SEE, DAMN I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING, I'LL HAVE TO CALL MOM LYNNE TO ORDER ME THIS (LAUGHS LOUD)......
TO BE CONTINUE...... LYNNE ONLINE!
(THE SATIRA DOES NOT IMPRESS ANYTHING SEXUAL, IT'S JUST BOBBY PUTTING CREAM ON MATTY BECAUSE HIS NECK HURTS, NOTHING MAKES SENSE, YOU JUST HAVE TO IMAGINE AND UNDERSTAND WHAT'S WRITTEN.)
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SPANISH:
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ERASE UNA VEZ UN DIA DE RODAJE Y UNOS CALCETINES EPILEPTICOS.
DECORADO: UN CONTENEDOR-HABITACION CUTRE Y HUMEDO, ROPA Y MALETA DESORDENADAS Y UNA MASCOTA CANSADA (O DOS MASCOTAS CANSADAS), BOTELLAS DE AGUA, UNAS 200 (NUNCA SON SUFICIENTES,NUNCA SERAN SUFICIENTES) SEGUN VARIOS PERIODICOS YA HAY ALGUNOS RIOS EN SEQUIA...
ACTO: 364745695
EN ESCENA APARECEN TUMBADOS EN UNA CAMA MATTY Y BOBBY VIENDO TAN TRANQUILOS UNA SERIE EN UN IPAD 45 DEL AÑO 2088 DE 66 TB PERO CON LA MISMA FUNDA DE 2019.
MATTY: AY! QUE CANSANCIO Y QUE DOLOR DE CABEZA! PUTA PELUCA BLANCA!! SI YO TENGO UN PELAZO, UN TINTE Y LISTO, QUE GANAS DE HACERME SUFRIR!! QUE TORTURA... QUE MALOS SON CONMIGO LOS DEL HBO, AH NO QUE AHORA ES MAX (RIE PICARAMENTE Y CON DESGANA)
BOBBY: COÑO! COMO TE QUEJAS...ME TIENES YA HARTO CON TUS QUEJAS! MR.QUEJAS TE VOY A LLAMAR!
MATTY: NO SON QUEJAS!! EH! ELLOS SABEN QUE ESTOY DELICADO DE SALUD! QUE RESPETEN UN POCO! MI CUELLO! AY MI CUELLO!! ME ECHAS LA POMADA MEGA ULTRA INFLAMATORIA? (LO MIRA CON SU CARA DE PELUCHE PERRITO EN APUROS)
MATTY: QUE YO ME VOY A LEVANTAR DE LA CAMA? VE AL BAÑO ESE RARO (BUENO BAÑO) Y PILLA LAS TOALLITAS Y TE DOY UN REPASO Y LISTO, NO SEAS QUEJICA TU AHORA....
BOBBY: OK NO TE LEVANTAS, PUES TE DARE MEJOR UN BAÑO DE BARRO (POR LA MIERDA EN LAS PEZUÑAS) CON LA CREMA MEGA ESA (RIE, AH NO BUENO SÍ, SI RIE, NO SOY UN PERRITO, COÑO SI SOY UN PERRITO)
MATTY: OH UN BAÑO DE BARRO ANTICUELLO! DE PUTA MADRE!! (PONE CARA DE PELUCHE CONTENTO, LE FALTA MOVER EL RABO....O YA LO MENEA)
BOBBY: VENGA DATE LA VUELTA Y QUITATE LA CAMISETA Y TUMBATE (UMMM SIN CAMISETA, PERO QUE ESTOY PENSANDO? QUE SOY UN PERRITO, AH NO QUE NO SOY UN PERRITO, QUE COÑO SOY, BUENO NO SE, ME VOY A ECHAR ESTA MIERDA DE POMADA AQUI, AHGG QUE PESTE!)
MATTY: UMMM QUE RICO! ME ENCANTAN TUS PEZUÑAS! SIQUE SIGUE...
BOBBY: NO TE SALDRIA MEJOR Y MAS BARATO LLAMAR A UNA DE TUS PUTILLAS? VENDRIAN ECHANDO LECHES!! Y TE DARIAN MEJORES MASAJES....O NO...NO TIENEN MUCHAS NEURONAS (CARA DE PICARO) PERO ESCONDE LA CARTERA!! QUE EN 1O SEGUNDOS TE COMPRAN BOLSOS EN D&G U OTRAS COSAS Y SE ESFUMA TU DINERO DEL HBO (RIE PERRUNAMENTE)
MATTY: VAH! PASO DE ESAS PUTILLAS, APARTE AQUI NO PUEDE VENIR CUALQUIERA ESTO ES TOP SECRET, TU ESTAS AQUI DE MILAGRO, TU ERES MI MEJOR AMIGO, TU NO ME DEJAS LA CARTERA TIRITANDO (RIE CON FUERZA) O PENSANDOLO BIEN TU COMES COMO UN MARQUES,UMM... VAH TU ME SIGUES SALIENDO MAS BARATO, AY SIGUE, QUE AGUSTO!!!
PASAN 343784 HORAS
BOBBY: YA ESTA, YA TERMINÉ, QUE PESTE LA CREMA ESTA, VOY AL BAÑO A POR LAS TOALLITAS, NO LLEGO AL LAVABO, UNA PENA, EH?? MATTY TE HAS DORMIDO?? COÑO SE HA DORMIDO...AY PARECE UN BEBE! JODER Y AHORA QUIEN ME LIMPIA LAS PEZUÑAS QUE PESTE!!! PUFF, AHORA ES MI OPORTUNIDAD PARA CAMBIAR LA SERIE ESA PELMAZO Y PONER DOCTOR WHO, QUE ME FALTAN CAPS SIN VER! Y PRONTO SERA EL 30000 ANIVERSARIO! A VER COMO VA ESTO, PEZUÑA AQUI, PEZUÑA ACA, OH MIERDA NO! ESTO ES PORNO GAY!?? Y ESTA EN FAVORITOS....ESTE MATTY ESTA MAS SALIDO QUE EL PICO DE UNA MESA!! ME VOY A METER EN SU BANCA A VER LAS COMPRAS Y EL DINERO JIJIJIJI, ME SE SUS PASSWORDS DE TODOS SITIOS, YO ME HAGO EL LOCO PERO MIRO SIN QUERER, YO NUNCA HAGO NADA MALO JIJIJI (CARA DE PICARO)
MATTY: AHHH!!!(SE DESPIERTA CON CARA DE MAS CANSADO TODAVIA PERO CON EL CUELLO NUEVO Y EL PELO DESORDENADO) EYYY PERO QUE ESTAS HACIENDO? TRAE EL IPAD! UMM QUE ESTABAS HACIENDO? CASTIGADO!
BOBBY: NOOO POR FA! (CARA DE PELUCHE PERRITO MUY DEPRE A TOPE) PERO MIRA!!! TOMA LAS TOALLITAS LIMPIAME QUE HUELO MAL!! TOMA! AH ME TOCAN LAS CHUCHES!! NO ME PUEDES DECIR QUE NO!
MATTY: TRAE.. A VER...(LE COGE LAS PATITAS Y SE PONE A LIMPIAR CON CARIÑO), CHUCHES? ESTAS CASTIGADO...
QUE NO ME MIRES ASI!! OSTIAS NO PUEDO DECIRTE QUE NO.....ME HAS DEJADO EL CUELLO NUEVO!!! LAS TENGO AHI EN LA MALETA, AHORA TOCA BUSCARLAS (SE ECHA LAS MANOS A LA CABEZA CON CARA DE YO NO FUI) QUE PEREZA,
(SE DIRIGE A LA MALETA ECHA MIERDA DE DESORDEN) VAMOS A VER, ERAN LAS "MAS SI-SI ANIMALES" A TOPE NO??
BOBBY: SI SI ESAS!! ME GUSTA CHUPAR LAS CABEZAS DE LOS GATOS HASTA QUE DESAPARECEN Y SE QUEDA SOLO EL CUERPO! Y DESPUES ÑAMMM
MATTY: A VER QUE ME PONGO, ESTO UMM, A VER, A VER, COÑO NO ENCUENTRO NADA, TENDRE QUE LLAMAR A MAMA LYNNE PARA QUE ME ORDENE ESTO (RIE FUERTE) ......
MATTY:......(SIGUE BUSCANDO SIN ENCONTRARLAS)
300 HORAS MAS TARDE......
MATTY: AQUI ESTAN!! (LAS ABRE) TOMA BB!!! (SE LAS LANZA AL AIRE)
BOBBY: ÑAM ÑAM!!
MATTY: ME VOY A CENAR CON EL EQUIPO QUE MAÑANA MADRUGO!!UFFF QUE CANSANCIO!! ME VOY A VESTIR, ME DUCHO?? QUE ME HUELE EL SOBAQUILLO (SE AUTO-HUELE) AH NO ESTA BIEN.....JIJIJIJIJIJI, COMO MOLAN MIS CALCETINES DE COLORES!
BOBBY:SI MOLAN MUCHO! (IRONIA) NO HABIA UNOS CON MAS COLORES?? MENOS MAL QUE NO SOY EPILEPTICO JIJIJJI
CONTINUARA! LYNNE ON LINE!
(LA SATIRA NO DA A ENTENDER NADA SEXUAL, SOLO ES BOBBY UNTANDOLE CREMA A MATTY PORQUE LE DUELE EL CUELLO, NADA TIENE SENTIDO, SOLO HAY QUE IMAGINAR Y ENTENDER LO ESCRITO.)
NOTE: THIS IS A SATIRE OF BLACK HUMOR, I DO NOT WRITE TO INSULT MATT OR ANYONE, GREETINGS, JUST TO BE CLEAR
NOTA: ESTO ES UNA SATIRA DE HUMOR NEGRO, NO ESCRIBO PARA INSULTAR A MATT NI A NADIE, SALUDOS, QUE QUEDE CLARO.
escrita por: KIRA LUNA SELENE SUSAN SALAS (NO COPIAR A OTRAS WEBS SIN PERMISO)
written by: KIRA LUNA SELENE SUSAN SALAS (DO NOT COPY TO OTHER WEBSITES WITHOUT PERMISSION)
